One step forward, two steps back. Munch dropped 2 out of 3 games in Week 9, but insists it had nothing to do the amount of time spent gambling and playing poker at daycare. Because of his disappointing weekend, I felt it was time to have "the talk." The talk every father has with their son about identifying a 4 year old girl's tell, reiterating that it's never safe to bluff more stuffed animals that you can't afford to lose, and when you're dealt pocket aces—try not to giggle and under no circumstances, never wet your diaper. While his Texas Hold 'em focus has benefited from our sit down, let's hope it carries over to Sunday.
The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...
The Early Game
- Match-Up: New Orleans (6-3) at Atlanta (5-3)
- Preview: Drew Brees' mole is interfering with the Dirty Bird dance. During Wednesday's press conference, quarterback Drew Brees confirmed that the birthmark on his right check was prohibiting the flapping of his right arm to act like a wing. "I really like the idea of showing up the other team anyway possible, and I thought this could really piss off Roddy White," said Brees, "Turns out this damn mole keeps preventing full wing flappage." Brees then raised his arm to demonstrate the issue and everyone in the room cringed at the sound of it. A reporter later compared it to scrapping roadkill off the pavement. Several Saints trainers also agreed and confirmed that Brees can expect severe chaffing of the forearm if he continues his attempt to master this dance. One trainer explained, "That thing on his face—it's friggin' disgusting. Like a damn turd that will never flush. He keeps practicing that ridiculous dance and his arm—or his face—is going to fall off by halftime."
- Munch's Hunch: Me no likey poopy on faces. Go Falcons!
- StuntDad Diatribe: New Orleans playing with a chip on its shoulder since losing to St. Louis two weeks ago and they will come out firing against Atlanta. Darren Sproles is finally being used in the right system and should have a monster game catching dump-offs from Brees and running wild on a weak Falcon linebacker unit. If the Saints can make Atlanta pass early and abadone Michael Turner, consider the Falcons clipped in this week's Southern Shootout Bowl. Saints Go Marching On The Falcons, 34-31.
- Match-Up: Detroit (6-2) at Chicago (5-3)
- Preview: Brian Urlacher quits his 2nd job as a private dancer. After Monday's shocking win over the Philadelphia Eagles, the Chicago Bears found themselves back in the NFC playoff hunt, which—for Brian Urlacher—caused the star middle linebacker to quit his night job at Larry's Sugar Shack. "After we lost to the Lions last month, we knew we hit rock bottom as at team. Losing to them is a lot like the male escort business. Once you go down, there's really no looking up after that," said Urlacher. "Each year at this time, a few guys always hang up their cleats and look for additional sources of income. Jay Cutler was a spokesman for Nut Liquor last year and even Mike Martz was a stand-in for Robin Williams as Mrs. Doutbfire the year before that." The owner of Larry's Sugar Shack, Lawrence Wilson, confirmed Urlacher's departure while also adding, "Our door is always open. I don't discriminate against starting players or bench players. If you can dance, you will dance. And, you can't beat the pay: 15 bucks an hour and free buffets. I'll tell you though, those football players sure can eat!" Although Larry acknowledges his business booms as more NFLers show up, he also admits to taking large hits on pork and beef sales.
- Munch's Hunch: I love anything sugar! Go Bears!
- StuntDad Diatribe: Beating the Eagles in Philly, on Monday night, after some struggling games will give the Bears so much momentum that Detroit won't have a chance. Last time these teams met, Jhavid Best went nuts. He is ruled out and with it, go any chance the Lions have against the streaking Bears in this week's Cage Match Bowl. Bears maul Lions 27-17.
- Match-Up: New England (5-3) at New York Jets (5-3)
- Preview: Vince Wilfolk already misses his buddy Albert. On Wednesday morning, the New England Patriots cut one-time Pro Bowler Albert Haynesworth, causing great sadness with Patriot defensive lineman Vince Wilfolk. "I will definitely miss him. In the six games that he actually played in, he served as a tremendous distraction. Belicheck told him, 'When they hike the ball, don't move, don't say nothin, and show absolutely zero effort.' Teams would think that an overpaid, overweight, overhyped guy like Al would actually make a difference. That's why Bill is a genius. He forced the big fella to be lazy, uninterested, and just all around pathetic, and it worked. Got me two sacks against Miami!" Wilfolk said. Upon hearing this, Rex Ryan told reporters, "That probably explains OchoCinco's performance, guess I have a lot to learn when it comes to strategy." Ryan later confessed that under no circumstances whatsoever is any Jet to guard OchoCinco, even if he's in the end zone. "Looks like Bill isn't the only one who knows football strategy."
- Munch's Hunch: J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S!
- StuntDad Diatribe: Both teams have been horribly inconsistent and sometime look like playoff teams and bottom feeders the other. Tom Brady will conduct an air assault on a below average Jets team. Look for Wes Welker to own the Jets as their corners won't be able to guard the quick ins and outs that make Welker such a threat. The running game for the Jets will continue to struggle and the offense simply isn't good enough in this Who's For Real Bowl. Patriots ground Jets 38-21.
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