Week 10
For some, the descent into Manland is slow and gentle, for others its steep and fast.
It's starts off innocently enough, as you spend the first couple of months absolutely fascinated with your new arrival. Nothing could be cuter or hold your attention more. And more than ever, your little girl is showing more action than ever. Baby's arms are waving side to side, baby's legs are kicking up and down, and baby's butt is wiggling in every direction possible. But, at this point, some of the newness has worn off and you might find yourself staring, laughing, and being in complete awe, just a little less than the day before.
Instead, you might find yourself staring, laughing, and being in complete disgust at Honey Boo Boo on TLC. This begins the inevitable return into the abyss we have come to know and love, a deep, immeasurable gulf known as Manland. The place where we sit on the couch scratching ourselves, wearing sweatpants, drinking an alcoholic beverage, and letting out a satisfying belch at a moment's notice. Of course, we all don't do that, moreover, we don't do that all the time, but we will start to find ourselves there more and more in between the "baby is new" and "infant is finally a toddler" stages.
However, spending time in Manland does have its consequences, most notably on your energy and activity levels. You will start to notice that it takes a second attempt to get off the couch, a long stretch once you're finally stable on your two legs, and a lot of aching as you walk over to get another beer from the fridge. I realize this may seem like a horrible image to most of you reading, but to a very small—minute, really—group of men, this Manland disease takes over and it's very difficult to treat. But, as a new father, you need to know, it's now or never. Are you going to embrace the challenges of maintaining a healthy, active lifestyle or are you going to take the easy road to an afternoon of Doritos, Miller Lite, and SportsCenter?
I'm taking the active route, so, Week 10 is going to be all about performance. And, here are two things I'm planning on doing:
It's starts off innocently enough, as you spend the first couple of months absolutely fascinated with your new arrival. Nothing could be cuter or hold your attention more. And more than ever, your little girl is showing more action than ever. Baby's arms are waving side to side, baby's legs are kicking up and down, and baby's butt is wiggling in every direction possible. But, at this point, some of the newness has worn off and you might find yourself staring, laughing, and being in complete awe, just a little less than the day before.
Instead, you might find yourself staring, laughing, and being in complete disgust at Honey Boo Boo on TLC. This begins the inevitable return into the abyss we have come to know and love, a deep, immeasurable gulf known as Manland. The place where we sit on the couch scratching ourselves, wearing sweatpants, drinking an alcoholic beverage, and letting out a satisfying belch at a moment's notice. Of course, we all don't do that, moreover, we don't do that all the time, but we will start to find ourselves there more and more in between the "baby is new" and "infant is finally a toddler" stages.
However, spending time in Manland does have its consequences, most notably on your energy and activity levels. You will start to notice that it takes a second attempt to get off the couch, a long stretch once you're finally stable on your two legs, and a lot of aching as you walk over to get another beer from the fridge. I realize this may seem like a horrible image to most of you reading, but to a very small—minute, really—group of men, this Manland disease takes over and it's very difficult to treat. But, as a new father, you need to know, it's now or never. Are you going to embrace the challenges of maintaining a healthy, active lifestyle or are you going to take the easy road to an afternoon of Doritos, Miller Lite, and SportsCenter?
I'm taking the active route, so, Week 10 is going to be all about performance. And, here are two things I'm planning on doing:
#1: Begin
a Workout Routine at Home
Around 3:30am the other night, our smoke detector stared that hellishly annoying chirping. Never do the batteries run out at a decent hour. Whether I'm in the middle of winning the lottery or some fantastically fantastic fantasy, these things always die out between the hours of 1am - 5am. At any rate, I passed by our full-length mirror in our bedroom and thought to myself, "Boy, that dude needs to workout." I literally didn't realize it was me until I had finished changing out the batteries and found myself perspiring. I know what you're thinking, I can't possibly be that out of shape—the condo must have been on fire, causing it to become so hot that I was sweating. Yes, that's much more realistic vs. the silly notion that futzing with a smoke detector would be such an intensive workout that I would need to dab my head with a towel after I finished. For argument sake, let's just say that I might need to go to a gym. However, having K2 a couple of months ago, all but guaranteed that I won't be spending 20 minutes to walk to the gym, 30 minutes on the treadmill, 30 minutes lifting weights, and walking another 20 minutes back home anymore. So what's a dad to do? Abandon Wifey and the kids for 2 hours a night so that I can watch fit 20 something's flirt with each other in tight clothes and know that will never be me again? As much as I feel staying in shape and working out is important, I haven't reached the point where its necessary for me to blow off my family. So, I've decided, instead of going to the gym, I'm going to bring the gym to me. Good bye Bowflex PR3000, AudioStrider 990 Pro, and Incline Trainer X9i—hello yoga mat, dumb bells, and my living room. After the kiddies go to bed, daddy is getting back in shape, and not giving up the 40 minute travel time to do it. I'm going to spend 5 days week at home, getting my workout on through old-school, army-inspired routines and dumbell exercises. For those who are curious, my regime is below. And, when I need extra support or new ideas on how to stay active, I can always check in on Stunt Chad's Daddy Don't Die Initiative for some tip and tricks.
- 25 push-ups
- 25 sit-ups
- 20 bicep curls
- 20 lateral raises
- 20 lunges
- 20 leg pull ins
- 20 bent-arm laterals
- 20 tricep curls
- 25 sit-ups
- 25 push-ups
#2: Introduce my Daughter to a Baby Gym
No, I'm not taking K2 to Lifetime Fitness. Like me, her workout routine is going to start at home. Up 'til now, K2's tummy time has taken place on our bed, the changing table, or the hardwood floor. Since I'm turning the family room into my own gym, I think it's only fair that K2 gets her own gym too. I will say, most of the baby gyms are pretty ridiculous, as they feature hideously bright colors, large obnoxious mobiles, and a not-as-padded-as-I-would-have-thought play mat. Of course, next to my plain, honey dew colored yoga mat, the baby gym looks like Disney World, and it's no wonder that K2 wil be slappin' and swattin' for hours on end with this monstrosity.
The positive energy you have after working out is incredible. You feel happy for no reason, you begin to catch your wife randomly checking out your butt, and your baby girl is just a couple of months away from scooting around.
What am I missing? What else could I be doing for my baby girl?
Check out the previous weeks below...
Week 9: Instruction
Week 9: Instruction
Week 1: Reminiscence
- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.
- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.
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