Week 9
By now, some of you might be telling your family, friends, and co-workers that your baby is sleeping through the night—which, is a complete and utter lie. But, if makes you feel better, go for it!
I don't consider 5 or 6 hours "sleeping through the night" because even if the baby goes to bed at midnight, you're still getting up before the sun does. There is no loophole, no 'kind of's' or 'sort of's.' You are just like the rest of us tired, sleep-deprived parents, and we resent you for even trying to suggest you might have had even ONE decent night's sleep in the past two months. When she starts sleeping from 7:00pm to 7:00am, then you can proudly brag how you have the best sleeper in the world. Phew, now I feel better.
I don't consider 5 or 6 hours "sleeping through the night" because even if the baby goes to bed at midnight, you're still getting up before the sun does. There is no loophole, no 'kind of's' or 'sort of's.' You are just like the rest of us tired, sleep-deprived parents, and we resent you for even trying to suggest you might have had even ONE decent night's sleep in the past two months. When she starts sleeping from 7:00pm to 7:00am, then you can proudly brag how you have the best sleeper in the world. Phew, now I feel better.
On a more positive note, you can probably tell that your little one is responding more and more to the sound of your voice. It's pretty neat to see her eyes ping pong back and forth when Wifey and I have a conversation... or argue over how we are going to afford daycare, disagree about which groceries we need to buy, contend when we are moving out of the city, bicker as to where we are moving, feud over when we are going to get a mini-van, dispute whether we should get a dog, hash out who's turn it is to feed the baby, hassle over making dinner, quibble over doing the laundry, wrestle over washing the dishes, lock horns over taking out the trash, squabble at who's shoveling the driveway, mêlée over making Munch's lunches for the week... and, yep, I think that it's it. Sorry, it's been a tough week :-)
I feel like having kids needs an instruction manual, even though we just did this with Munch 20 months ago, because any hope for structure and our attempted plans seem simply impossible to make and keep. But, I'm an optimist (if you can't tell...). So, Week 9 is going to be all about instruction. And, here are two things I'm planning on doing:
#1: Schedule a GNO for My Wife
No, I'm not channeling Rob Corddry's "Happy wife, happy life" philosophy from The Heartbreak Kid, but I do think it's important to give Wifey at least a reminder that there is life beyond baby. She has been such an amazing mother for the past 11 months—see what I did there? I'm one of a few million finalists for Husband of the Year, so maybe acknowledging the pregnancy part will give me some much needed votes—that she needs to get out and have some eats, drinks, and laughs with her bestest peeps. Even though she might protest, I'm going to take the kids to my parents house on a Saturday night, and leave her with her the follow itinerary for the evening...
- Take the longest shower you've ever had
- Take as long as you want to put on make-up
- Wear the sexiest dress you have, including the CFM boots
- Hop in the limo that has been procured to take you and your friends around town
- Drink multiple glasses of wine at the pre-dinner champagne bar
- Enjoy all the raw fish you can eat at the hip, new Sushi restaurant
- Have a shot (uh, redheaded slut?) and dance your a$$ off at the nightclub
- Sleep-in and enjoy the pot of coffee that is set to start brewing at 10am
- Read the newspaper, eat a wonderful breakfast, and take a nap before we come home at noon
#2: Teach My Daughter to Dance
I would love for my daughter to learn how to be graceful, feel elegant, and show poise, so what better way to do that than by teaching her how to dance? Plus, an added bonus of teaching her now is that I won't step on any toes and I'll feel better about spending all that time and money on the wedding dance lessons that we only got to use for 2 songs. I'm no Fred Astaire, but I'm no Fred Flintstone either. And I can prepare myself ahead of time for the various levels of dancing that await me:
- The Waltz (1st year): we'll start easy, as this will require the least amount of practice for me: she'll be snuggled up with me, and I all I need to avoid is the coffee table and the rocking chair
- The Ballroom (toddler years): my baby girl will probably channel her inner Disney Princesses and want to act very prim and proper around the family room after we have our evening tea party
- The Freestyle (elementary years): I have two nieces, and if they're any gauge, I can expect complete and utter awesomeness, consisting of twirling, flailing of arms, lots of jumping, and a pretty decent workout
- The Swing (teenage years): dancing with me will probably be considered lame, so if I'm going to drag her to the dance floor, we will have a damn good time doing so
- The Ghost (college years): who are we kidding, she'll be at college and I'll be lucky to even see her during the holidays, so I'll either dance in my head or grab one of her old stuffed animals and think about all of her toes I had stepped on over the years
- The Dance (Wedding Day): the culmination of dancing with her all of my life, the moment where I weep internally at losing her to some guy that's not good enough for her, but also the moment where I can show off my fancy footwork from all of the year practicing with her
My advice for the two favorite girls in your life: spoil them! Not for any other reason that it's just fun. Your wife will love the time she gets to spend with her besties and she'll love you even more for scheduling it (who knows, you might even get lucky, wink, wink). And, your daughter will grow up having a blast with her daddy and ultimately trying desperately to find a good guy who's half the man you are.
Are you doing anything for your baby girl that I can copy???? :-)
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