Stunt Dad's Guide to Being Forgotten on Father's Day

The Human Pancake

Give us the tired, the poor, the forgotten dads yearning to be remembered.
As we near the end of another Father's Day, we would be remiss to think that every spouse and child(ren) remembered the one day devoted to all of the dads out there. Out of the +70 millions dads in the US alone, we would like to send a quick shout out to those who've been left hanging today.  Even if you're a deadbeat dad who was dissed by your wife and/or child(ren), we're here for ya. Even if you're a duped dad whose wife "had a business meeting" and child(ren) "had to study for a test", we've got your back. And even if you're a divorced dad whose ex has moved on and your child(ren) haven't spoken to you in months, look no further.

On the busiest day for collect calls (yep, everyone is apparently more cheap with Dad than anyone else), Stunt Dad opens its doors for those who need to vent, rant, scathe, yell, whine, whimper, cry, or scream at the one(s) who've disrespected you. Think you're wife would shrug off you forgetting Mother's Day? Think your child(ren) would understand if you forgot their birthday? Of course not.

Here your is opportunity to get even. Don't worry, these ideas won't get you arrested—you'll likely just go without sex or a birthday gift for another decade or so, but, chances are pretty high that you weren't getting much of anything in the first place if Father's Day goes unnoticed by those closest to you.

Top 5 Daddy's Day Revenge Tactics:

1. Throw on a black tank top, and just as your wife or child takes a chug from the carton of milk, you go in for the kill. 
2. Give your wife or child an unloaded handgun, grab a pack of Black Cat fireworks, sneak behind them, and light the match
3. Grab the baking powder, find the hair dryer, and start dumping and dumping and dumping.
4. Assemble a pot of egg yolks, a bag of flour, and some maple syrup, and when your wife or child is sleeping, turn 'em into a pancake.
5. Gather the necessary Darth Vadar items, wait until the wee hours of the night, and target your wife or child with the ultimate Revenge of the Sith (feel free to edit what you say as you feel its appropriate). 

Immature? You bet. Childish? Perhaps. Juvenile? Probably. But, anyone of the these five revenge tactics will guarantee 3 things: 1) you'll stay out of jail,  2) have a great laugh, and 3) ensure that Father's Day becomes the most popular holiday in your household for the rest of your life.

Happy Father's Day, Stunt Dad Nation. 

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You know you are a parent when...

1. You tell your boss you have to go potty.
2. You turn down back stage passes for sleep.
3. You can actually name all 4 million Thomas the Tank Engine characters.
4. Your matching skills have been reduced to accepting the notion that one black sock and one blue sock are indeed close enough to match. And you agree socks are an acceptable substitute for mittens.
5. Folding laundry is no longer considered a chore, but a long lost luxury.
6. You introduce yourself to a new co-worker as Billy's dad.
7. You know better not to push an elevator button in the presence of a child. You instead ask them to push it for you.
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